This blog is the first in a series about something that often goes unseen: the sibling of children diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). This sibling is often referred to as the “glass child” because they are seen through due to caregivers’ focus on the child with RAD.
What is RAD (in simple terms)?
Symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder are a response to early trauma, and that trauma usually involves disrupted caregiving, neglect, and/or inconsistent attachment. Children with RAD often struggle to trust, to feel safe in relationships, and to connect in “typical” ways. This can show up in daily life as ongoing control battles, pushing caregivers away even when they need them, and what appears to be manipulation within relationships. Many children also exhibit intense emotional outbursts or, alternatively, complete shutdown. Empathy and accountability can be difficult for these children, but it is not because they are unwilling; their nervous system has learned survival takes priority over connection, and this has been reinforced over time. As a reminder, none of this means the child is “bad.” It means their brain developed in an environment where adults were not safe. Much of the attention understandably goes to supporting this child, but usually there are others in the home, including siblings, and their experiences matter just as much.
The Glass Child: Living Alongside RAD
Siblings in RAD-affected homes often live in two realities at once. On the one hand, they likely love and care for and empathize with the child diagnosed with RAD. They may even feel protective. On the other hand, they may feel confused by unpredictable behavior, hurt by aggression and dishonesty, and overwhelmed by the overall level of chaos in the home. It’s also common to feel resentment about the ongoing attention their sibling requires, followed by guilt for even having those thoughts. That emotional back-and-forth can be exhausting, especially for a child whose brain also isn’t developed enough to fully recognize why this occurs or how to regulate themselves.
“Why does my sibling get away with everything?”
This is a common question siblings of RAD children ask, either silently to themselves or to their caregivers. From the outside, it can look like the child with RAD has fewer consequences, leniency, or a different set of rules. From a caregiver’s perspective, this usually comes from necessity. The traditional reward/consequence structure doesn’t always work with the RAD child, so caregivers must adapt to prevent escalation, ensure safety, and support regulation. But siblings don’t always see the why, just the difference in the way they are treated, and it can feel unfair.
The Invisible Adjustment
In some homes, the glass child is impacted in ways that go beyond what we can actually see.Even when parents are doing everything they can, the sibling may not always feel safe, physically or emotionally. And that matters: feeling unsafe changes how a child’s brain develops. It can lead to learning how to avoid added stress, such as staying quiet, small, or separate from the family. While they might appear “fine” from the outside, feeling invisible or lonely can have long-term impacts. To give them credit, the glass child often adapts quickly and has a lot of skills to prevent themselves from jumping into chaos. But underneath this is the need to stay “easy” or “quiet” so they don’t add to the stress. They may take on responsibilities beyond their age, suppress their own needs for the sake of others, or become independent earlier than expected. Again, from the outside in, we often only see strengths or what we view as positive strengths: these children are resilient, understanding, or naturally helpful. These are real qualities, but can come at a cost: beneath that resilience, there are often needs that haven’t been fully seen or met.
What These Siblings Need
These children need their experiences to be named and validated, even when those experiences are complicated or hard to hear. Some suggestions are:
● Clear, age-appropriate explanations about what is happening in the family
● Moments of safety and predictability, even small ones
● Permission, and maybe even encouragement, to feel everything they feel
● Dedicated time with just them
● Help them develop their own support systems
Final Thoughts (For Now)
If you are raising a trauma-affected child, you are doing hard, meaningful work. Families are complex, things change so quickly, and you are doing the best you can. We hope you too feel seen, supported, and heard.
by Ashley Charbonneau, LCSW
Ashley Charbonneau is a Licensed Clinal Social Worker and Licensed Addiction Counselor. She has worked with this population since 2009. She primarily conducts offense-specific evaluations, and she also teaches at MSU Denver and is writing a book that will be a clinicians guide to healing sexual trauma. Outside of the mental health field, she loves to travel and spend time with her three doggies.
