It’s already June! This year has flown by so fast. In June, we celebrate dads. While all dads are to be celebrated, we focus specifically on the RAD Dad. Being a RAD Dad is different than being any other type of Dad. Instead of us describing him, we tasked our trauma mama graduates with this statement: He is A/An _________. Here is what our trauma mamas said they value the most in their RAD Dad husbands.
1. A Good Communicator. The day to day things like meals, schedules, activities, behaviors, etc. are solid. But it’s seeing beyond that, and finding the moments to communicate love and support to their nurturing enemy wives. It’s hard to see past the chaos sometimes to find that moment in the day to say ‘I see you and love you, you ARE doing it, and I am so damn proud’. He does it well. And, right on time.
2. A Team Player. He does as much for our trauma affected children, as I do. He tag teams without being asked. He step in without being called on. He takes over to protector me when things get volatile. He make decisions with me, as a united front. He picks up the slack with tasks if it’s been a rough day mentally and emotionally.
3. A Care Taker. He steps up and plans away time specifically for my self care, AND parents the kids seamlessly while I am getting a break. He equally cares for our relationship by planning date nights, weekend get aways, etc. He sometimes stays home with the trauma affected kids, to preserve peace and quiet in my everyday so I can be with our other children.
4. A Solid Listener. He knows that I just needs to say it to process it. Without a solution or intervention, he hears me. He validates my feelings. He sits with me and draws me close, while I cries. With him, all my feelings are real. He makes me feels safe. He is my person, in the hardest of the hard.
5. A Tension Breaker. He helps us smile and giggle, to cope with the heavy day to day stress. And there is so much stress. His dad jokes are well timed. He sometimes breaks the tension of a tantrum or rage with a well timed act, and he resets the tone so all of us can move on. In the weeks and days we are currently in, this is everything for me.
6. A Researcher. When things take a decline, he searches for more tools, more therapies, different medications, a new providers, etc. He helps find ways to tweak the schedule and routine and implements the changes. He doesn’t stop there! He makes the appointments and communicates the issues ahead of time to our child’s provider. It helps my mental load so much!
7. A Provider. He provides for me in the small every day acts of kindness. WITHOUT BEING ASKED!!! That is my love language. He resets the kitchen the night before, especially when he is at work at the office the next day, so I can sleep in as long as possible AND still have everything ready to face the day. He surprised me with my favorite iced coffee or soda on really rough days. He goes to the grocery store when I mentally can’t get myself there. He cleans up after dinner, even after he made the dinner. He starts a hot shower for me, shower steamer tablet and all. This week he pivoted his entire work schedule to be from home since it is the first week of summer for us. I would not make it without him providing these small everyday acts of kindness.
8. An Encourager. Don’t get me wrong, he is a participator in all the things. But what refills my soul from the everyday hard, is words. He speaks to me beyond ‘how was today’. He reminisces some of our favorite moments from dating and marriage, to traveling and experiences. He reminds me that this is just for right now, this week, this month. He acknowledges my hard work. He cheers me on. He actually tells me with some detail what he loves about me. My favorite though, are the letters and notes he writes me. I have them all in a box. After really hard mornings or afternoons, and after we are to a calmer state of being, I’ll grab the box and pull out random ones to read.
9. A Detailed Planner. I can spit the vision out into words, complete with details. That’s my part. He makes it actually happen. He finds the toys, games, books, activities. He moves the furniture around. He installs the cameras. He enrolls the kids into activities. He sets the appointments. He even predicts the outcomes of what I didn’t consider, and shifts everything to be foolproof. Of course, we know it’s not foolproof, but he tries so hard to make my current hard as easy as possible. There is no way I could do this without his countless plans of action.
10. A Problem Solver. THIS!!! Trauma parenting is so freaking hard. Because I deal so much in the day to day household stuff AND emotionally supporting the kids, he comes in and problems solves what went wrong so tomorrow is just better. Summer starts in two weeks. We have already been predicting problems, so he can think through all the scenarios to troubleshoot ahead of time, so while I pick up the emotional pieces with the kids. It’s such a huge mental load off my plate. Since our kids are all close in chronological age, and it’s hard to predict what today’s emotional age will be, at the end of the day I already know I don’t have to worry about problem solving and fixing logistical issues. He jumps right in, and keeps me informed!
These ten were voted into our featured June blog, but there were dozens and dozens. This month we’ll continue to highlight some of the others on our socials. Check us out on Facebook and Instagram!
Our RAD Dads husbands are so important to the family dynamic when raising trauma affected kids. I challenge you this month to remind your RAD Dad husband what he brings to the table with ‘You are A/An ________’.
