This is the second blog in a two-part series highlighting the siblings of children diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). These siblings are often known as the “glass child.” In the first blog, we explored how they can feel invisible within the family system. In this piece, we go a bit deeper into how this dynamic shapes identity, relationships, and emotional development over time.
The Glass Child’s Developing Identity
Children make sense of themselves through their environment, especially within their family. When one child’s needs take center stage (that of the sibling diagnosed with RAD), the glass child may begin to define themselves in contrast to the person who always has the spotlight. This is when we see the glass child become “the easy one,” “the helper,” or “the one who doesn’t need much.” While these identities are adaptive in the moment, they can also be limiting. Over time, the glass child may struggle to recognize their own needs or feel unsure of who they are outside of one of these roles. They may not feel worthy of attention, support, or rest because they have learned (unintentionally) that their role is to minimize impact rather than take up space.
The Impact on Relationships
Patterns learned in childhood do not stay in childhood. Rather, templates resulting from early experiences become templates for later friendships, romantic relationships, and professional environments. With regard to the glass child, some become highly attuned to others’ emotions, anticipating needs before they are spoken. While this can signify empathy and connection, it can also lead to imbalance. They may find themselves over-giving, struggling to set boundaries, or feeling responsible for others’ well-being. On the other hand, they may go in the opposite direction: they keep emotional distance as a way to protect themselves from unpredictability or disappointment. Trust, vulnerability, and conflict can all feel complicated when early experiences taught them that relationships can be inconsistent or overwhelming.
Unnamed Grief
There is a type of grief that glass children may carry that does not always have language around it. It’s not necessarily about one specific loss, but rather the accumulation of moments: the childhood they never had because of missed attention, emotional disconnection, or feeling secondary within the family system. This grief can be confusing because it often exists alongside love. A child can deeply care for their sibling and still feel sadness, frustration, or longing for something different. Without space to process this, those feelings may get pushed down or dismissed entirely. Naming this experience can be so important and an important step in healing.
Supporting the Glass Child as They Grow
As these children move into adolescence and adulthood, their needs may shift, but they don’t disappear. Support can look like helping them reconnect with themselves in ways that may not have been fully possible earlier.This might include:
● Encouraging self-expression and exploration of identity
● Supporting healthy boundaries in relationships
● Creating space to process experiences without judgment
● Helping them recognize that their needs are valid and worthy of attention
For caregivers, this can also be an opportunity to revisit and repair. Even small moments of acknowledgment can have a meaningful impact.
Final Thoughts
All children are individuals with their own inner world, experiences, and needs. When we begin to acknowledge the totality of their experiences, we create space for deeper connection and long- term well-being. If this resonates with you, whether as a caregiver or someone who identifies with this experience, know that awareness itself is a powerful step. There is room for both compassion and growth within family systems, even when things feel complicated.
by Ashley Charbonneau, LCSW
Ashley Charbonneau is a Licensed Clinal Social Worker and Licensed Addiction Counselor. She has worked with this population since 2009. She primarily conducts offense-specific evaluations, and she also teaches at MSU Denver and is writing a book that will be a clinicians guide to healing sexual trauma. Outside of the mental health field, she loves to travel and spend time with her three doggies.
