It’s time! It’s back to school time! We briefly covered how you can begin to prepare for back to school last month. We’ll continue this month with a specific to do list for our parents! These are items that should be covered BEFORE the first day of school! Be sure you give school staff plenty of time to get their part done. Start working on these items at least two weeks before school starts. Let’s get started!
- Begin tweaking your child’s daily schedule to mimic their school day. Specifically your trauma and attachment affected child’s wake up time, breakfast time, lunch time, recess time, and the after school schedule. Over the next couple of weeks as you approach back to school, transition your child’s schedule to be that of their school schedule. During what will be instruction time, structure play. Be sure you include homework time in this transition. Before school starts and homework comes home, do simple homework tasks like 15 minutes of reading, math fact sheets that might seem easy for him or her, or handwriting practice for 10 minutes. Keep it short, simple, and easy to avoid conflict.
- Plan to take your child to meet their teacher privately, in the quiet of the day, NOT at the school’s open house or meet the teacher event. Prior to this meeting, speak openly and without shame, about your child’s diagnosis, medications, concerning behaviors, and 504/IEP plan. This can be a part of the actual 504 or IEP meeting. While at the private encounter, quietly meet the teacher, speak out loud to your child’s teacher (in front of your child). Reference out loud the prior communication about diagnosis, medications, concerning behaviors, and reference the 504/IEP meeting. Also reference the daily communicator (referenced below in #4). Go over it as a group, including you, your child, and their teacher(s). Remember, NO SHAMING. Promptly end the meeting with a quick reference such as “I am confident this year will be amazing!”.
- Plan the 504 or IEP meeting BEFORE the first day of school, and before the private meet the teacher. Be prepared with an updated list of diagnoses, medications, list of current professionals, list of therapies and treatments, list of what appointments are coming, and a list of concerning behaviors that the school staff would need to be prepared for and plan for. Be prepared to request a way to communicate daily. See the next to do (referenced below in #4) about specifics on the communicator. Last, ask a professional to write a request that dismisses you from helping your child with their homework. Take this with you, if that professional cannot attend the meeting. Remember, your job at home is bonding and attachment, not homework. There is homework time built in their schedule. That homework does not include parents helping.
- The daily communicator platform and method must be decided upon by the teacher, counselor, and other school staff. I recommend a paper communicator, so the sheets can be copied and shared with your child’s professionals. I also recommend goals for desired behaviors with a scoring of how he/she did that day. Don’t forget to include a memo section where comments can be shared, and section for initials or signatures. This is an easy, discreet, shame free way of communicating. Each day, the child is responsible for getting this daily communicator completed by their teacher. The teacher, your child, and you are to sign or initial each page of this communicator. This daily communicator is so helpful in preventing triangulation.
- Once school starts, schedule yourself some days for dates with your partner, self care for yourself with and without your partner, relaxation, reconnecting with others, and getting some things done that were put off during summer. This self care is key to your ability to continue to parent your trauma and attachment affected child, plus all of your other roles and responsibilities. Remember, this is much like an ultra marathon. It’s hard, grueling, and feels like it lasts forever. You have to pace yourself in order to make it. You also have to hold onto your partnership or marriage, your mental health, and your relationships with your other children, family members, and friends. Self care is the key!
We coach all of our parents with these tools, plus more! If you find yourself in need of more than what is listed above, reach out to us. We are here to meet you where you are. Our job is to walk along side you, hear you, teach you, guide you, and assist you in balancing it all while restoring peace and safety back into your home and family. You’ve got this!
