Being a trauma parent is not for the faint of heart. This can be especially true when advocating for your child within the school setting. Many schools are not fully trauma-informed, so it can be difficult to explain to educators the reasons and science behind your child’s trauma behaviors.
Personally, my oldest child struggled significantly with trauma behaviors in preschool and the behaviors only escalated when entering elementary school. Several of the school staff did not understand that my child’s behavior was more than “toddler tantrums”, which is what a school psychologist labeled it as. Thankfully the school counselor, who was a foster/adoptive mom herself, suggested implementing a 504 Plan for my child to get further support in the school setting. A 504 Plan is a legally binding document under Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act which provides accommodations, equal access, and civil rights protection for students with disabilities. The 504 forced school staff to comply with supports for my child despite their opinions of her or her behavior.
In preparation for the initial 504 meeting, I got physical copies of diagnosis, documentation, therapy notes (as appropriate), and several credible sources on how childhood trauma affects the brain and behaviors. The purpose of all this physical “evidence” was so educators could not say I was just making excuses for her behaviors, but proved that there were true reasons and needs behind the behaviors.
In the initial meeting, I felt very overwhelmed during the meeting and very discouraged afterwards. It seemed like even with all of my resources and the fact that I worked in the mental health profession at the time, most of the people in the room believed my child was just acting out to get her way. That was not the case at all. I continued to advocate for my child in 504 meetings for the first few years of her elementary career to get the supports she needed to have felt safety in the school setting.
I want to encourage you, as a trauma parent, that you know your child best. You are their strongest advocate. On a 504 team, you are not a guest- you are the expert on your child. You have the right as a member of this team to call a meeting as many times as you need to, to fully advocate for your child. Bring the hard copy documentation to support your voice. Sign as many releases of information (ROIs) as you need to for professionals to advocate for your child as well. Do not stop fighting just because people around a table are trying to push something on your child that you don’t agree with. And most of all, don’t ever lose hope.
I sat with that same school counselor one day and she told me, “It will get better.” I told her I didn’t believe her. Guess what? That school counselor was right! Each school year my child learned to trust and heal. Her behaviors became less and less at school. Her 5th grade year, we even got to dismiss her 504 plan because she was functioning as any other student! It can be very uncomfortable to speak up for your child in a room full of educators, but take courage. Your child needs someone who knows and loves them deeply to advocate and fight for them. Be the brave parent who does that in every setting.
Lindsey Howard, M.Ed. School Counseling and Leadership, Adoptive Mom, Foster Mom
